The Greek Cypriot Lexicon

Mangas

A man among men. This word refers to a male who is handsome, daring, well dressed, filled with suicidal bravado & in general blessed with those traits most likely to impress his fellow males & bedazzle his female compatriots.  Examples of such behavior include:

1.  Pulling "wheelies" on your motorbike at 60 mph in front of other road users, especially if you can cause them to crash in avoiding you.

2.  Twirling your komboloi (worry beads) with great expertise whilst looking in the other direction or whilst talking very loudly and glaring at people.

3.  Parking in the middle of a busy street to converse with a fellow mangas going it the other direction.  The longer the tailback, the greater the mangoscini.

Please remember that the word mangas should not be confused with the word malagas which has an anal connotation & is used strictly as an insult. Confusion arises not infrequently as the average mangas may very well be a malagas & the last thing he needs is you to remind him.

Malagies

The actions of a malagas.

Meson

Nepotism^*. Although a closer approximation might be the phrase "friends in high places". The implication is that these friends or commonly relations are capable of being exploited to the advantage of the individual possessed of meson. For example, it is said that to enjoy a government post one must have money, moni (the female reproductive organ) or meson. These are the proverbial three M's of Cypriot society.

It is curious to note that persons who loudly decry the use of meson by one individual in, for example, procuring work with an ibourgieon (ministry or governmental department) despite their lack of any apparent qualification or experience, will employ their own meson in quashing a drink-driving conviction without the least qualm. No feelings of hypocrisy or guilt, even in front of the victim's widow, are demonstrated.

Thus we may deduce that to a Cypriot, meson is only held to be a bad thing if somebody else has it or employs it or else if you are found out by anyone with a bigger or more active meson than your own.

^* In ancient Rome, large numbers of illegitimate sons of senators were found governmental posts as a sop to their father's consciences. It was held unwise to term this large & well connected group the "barstardi", hence they were called the "nepotismi" or "nephews".

Methismenos

Drunk, or a drunkard. There are surprisingly few full-blown alcoholics in Cyprus despite the total freedom of availability of alcohol over the counter, its low prices &, in the case of traditional Cypriot products, its high quality. Perhaps there is a lesson here. If you see a figure collapsed in a pool of vomit it is in truth probably a tourist, & English at that. Heavy drinking is however common & driving under the influence is a peccadillo rather than a crime. With the low standard of driving ability locally, full alertness is recommended so if you drink, take a taxi but remember to double-check the change.

Motha

Fashion, pronounced moh-tha. Cypriots are fashion victims to appease the Gods in their relentless pursuit of the highly priced material proof that they have finally "arrived". The concepts of the fachimenos, zoppo, spidi & foridon among others are clear evidence of a struggle for external validation that begins well before puberty & ends only in the grave, usually under a cumbersome marble mausoleum that would be in bad taste even in Hollywood. Markes (Armani, Chanel etc.) are not so much worn as flaunted &, conveniently for the tourist, are available freely as forgeries all over the island.

Indeed, as the joke maintains, there is nowadays only one way to tickle a Cypriot girl.

You stroke her gently under the chin & say Gucci, Gucci, Gucci.

Motora

A moped or motor cycle. These ubiquitous motor bikes generally fall into one of two groups.

1.The bedraggled, slow moving mechanically unsafe wrecks driven down the middle of the road by old age pensioners with terrifyingly little road sense. A relative of the rider will frequently ride side-saddle behind the driver & distract him by talking loudly. The reason for this is assumed to be an effort to take his mind of the stupendous risks he takes crossing road junctions without looking & challenging oncoming othigous (pl.) of any size of vehicle for their side of the road. The police tend to leave this group alone since their natural span is (usually) so close to expiring, why criticise their impatience?

2.The supercharged, stripped down, no exhaust baffles kamikaze riders of 14 years old & above with no concept of personal injury & terrifyingly little road sense. These youths apparently want to die, performing "wheelies" at fifty miles per hour in front of lorries & tourist coaches with an enthusiasm verging on the demented. Since these super-bikes are often purchased by the families of the children & modified with their full knowledge & consent, they may be intended as an attempt at some form of postnatal abortion. An alternative interpretation is an attempt at parental mangoscini by proxy. The police tend to leave this group alone on the basis that under the age of 18 there is nothing they can do, & over that age informed consent may be argued in the case of such blatantly self-destructive acts. Strangely, when their offspring are inevitably killed or injured the cry goes up " Theeh - YIADI;" or "God – WHY?" despite the fact that passing five vehicles at 90 miles an hour, & two on the wrong side at that, on a blind corner downhill with no helmet would suggest an obvious answer to the query even if it had not been raining that night. Unless, of course, it is the rain they are questioning.

Tourists are frequently encouraged to hire these death traps (usually group 1 type) allegedly for reasons of economy. The temptation should be resisted, as this is in fact an attempt to improve the local economy by the local private " ambulances", clinics & funeral parlours by exploiting the individuals' health insurance as a copious source of foreign currency.

Na

Based on the method of usage either "Here you are" or else "Go to Hell". Most commonly used in its second context, this convenient all-purpose insult is barked in accompaniment to a brief pushing motion with the fingers spread wide, usually in the direction of the offending person or item. For additional emphasis, a second hand may be added to smack briskly on the back of the first, or else just in parallel as if pushing an invisible wall. Based on the depth of feeling involved, or the element of personal risk anticipated, it can be done discretely or with flamboyance.

Thus when you see all the disgruntled & disillusioned Charlies getting back on the plane to return to a more hospitable climate, that curious little gesture you thought was just a strangely rigid, stiff fingered little wave over their shoulder whilst choked with emotion is now more fully explained.

Neron

Water. In Cyprus water is held to be the key to life itself, & quite rightly so due to a low annual rainfall further diminished by the recent effects of global warming. Similar to life itself however it is both the most & least precious gift of the gods. At the time of writing, Cyprus had six months supply of water in its almost empty reservoirs & warnings of dire prognostications abound. Yet still most housewives spend at least half an hour a day watering the road outside their front doors to keep down the dust.

This can be explained in one of two ways.

1.Homer^* in his work the Iliad assures us that before any feast generous libations of wine were poured out upon the earth as a sacrifice to the gods & prayers were said. Indeed it was the lack of such sacrifices that so complicated Odysseus' journey home in Homer's subsequent work the Odyssey.

2.Imbecility.

^*Homer, the name traditionally assigned to the reputed author of the Iliad & the Odyssey, the two major epics of Greek antiquity. Nothing is known of Homer the individual, & in fact the question of whether a single person can be said to be responsible for the creation of the two epics is highly controversial. Linguistic & historical evidence, however, allows the supposition that the poems were composed in the Greek settlements on the west coast of Asia Minor sometime in the 9th century BC.

Nehma

Or more correctly Neh, mah……..  This is the literal equivalent to the English "Yes, but" It has two additional features that its British counterpart lacks, though.

1. Following the final mah, nothing further must be added, the syllable is allowed to dwindle in a gradual diminuendo as the eyes of the speaker flick away from the face of the person addressed & focus as if on an imaginary fly darting around somewhere off to their left.  The reason for this is: -

2. The "gradual diminuendo" continues for the length of time required in the opinion of the speaker for the addressee's attention span to "time out" & thus for the complaint to be forgotten.  (This phenomenon is again demonstrated elsewhere.)

It is not well received when foreigner's or else C harlie's attention spans exceed the practical length of the "gradual diminuendo" phase & thus the technique fails as the Cypriot using it has frequently forgotten the point of the argument but the addressee has not.

Nosogomieon

A hospital. The major point to remember in Cyprus is that hospital staff are in fact civil servants. As with most countries, the application of the word "civil" can only be viewed as the clumsiest of irony, & normal servants exhibiting such behaviour would be swiftly dismissed.

All promotions are on the basis of seniority or else meson, thus little or no aptitude for the various hospital tasks is demonstrated, advanced age or an ability to use the system being paramount. Thus qualifications beyond the basic are rare, or else viewed as an exercise in "rocking the boat" & thus to be discouraged. Those who highlight the inadequacy of their fellows by the quality of their own performance are swiftly ostracised ^* by those colleagues for this anti-social behaviour. It is no surprise that the standard Greek greeting is "yia sou" or literally "health to you" since in Cyprus being ill is a very bad idea indeed.

^*In ancient Greece, individuals whose popularity or power was felt to be a potential threat to the democratic process of the Assembly could be sent away for ten years without loss of property. The process was named after the pieces of pottery used in the voting process on which the subject's name or initial was scratched. Ostrakon – a piece of a pot. The penalty for an early return was execution by Hemlock.

Othigos

A driver. Normally this may be taken to mean an individual qualified to operate a motor vehicle on the highway, by in Cyprus it refers more simplistically to the person at the wheel. Whilst the driving test does exist, limited success has been achieved in enforcing the concept. This & the lack of car insurance, especially in the more rural areas, can make car ownership less than rewarding & not infrequently fatal. Another consideration is the tendency for Cypriots to own large vehicles frequently equipped with highly illegal "roo bars " (as the Australians call them) & batteries of quartz-halogen fog lamps angled into the eyes of oncoming othigous (pl.).

This curious combination of dangerous provocation & over-caution is confusing & best dismissed as a mangoscini.

It is worthy of note to those unfamiliar with the island of Cyprus that kangaroos are not an indigenous species & thus, with or without "roo bars", the incidence of collisions with them is statistically insignificant. The same may not be said of pedestrians however, especially if they fail to dodge oncoming roo barred thiplowgambina being driven erratically & at high speed by unqualified, uninsured, inebriated individuals. So stay alert.